Back to School

I always get a little nostalgic at the beginning of a new school year (now that I don't have to plan my commute around school busses on the back roads through Reston/Vienna).

School supply sales still get me excited - though I never actually venture into a store when they are going on for fear of ending up with, I don't know, 24 mechanical pencils (um, like Heidi). I kind of miss getting excited about wearing something new on the first day of school. I miss seeing old friends and meeting new ones. I even miss the learning portion (though I most definitely don't miss ridiculous homework assignments).

You would think, having been out of college the better portion of a decade, I wouldn't feel that way. But I do. This year, even more so.

I have half a dozen friends who starting back to grad school this fall. A couple are on year two, most are starting for the first time. It makes me even more nostalgic. I know I made the right decision to lay my grad school plans aside, but knowing it is the right thing and feeling 100% fabulous about it are two different things.

Johns Hopkins apparently managed to locate me in The Frontier and has begun sending me information on their Real Estate/Urban Development program - the only thing that ever tempted me from my MBA dream. The last one came as the same day as the ShopKo ad for school supplies. I felt oddly sad as I threw them both in the trash before I even went inside. It's a bit weird to be slightly jealous of one's thirtysomething friends headed off with their new laptops and iPhones to the first day of classes.

There have been many days over the past several years when I feel like I haven't lived up to my potential - especially the last year when I've been so bored at work. (Discounting The Factory insanity, which had nothing to do with being challenged and everything to do with utter nonsense). Thing is, it's not so much about work or school. When it comes down to it, I know at this moment in time it's not really what I want. It's the lack of a challenge - of feeling like I'm using my brain.

Don't get me wrong. Motherhood is challenging (probably more so for me than some, given my lack of my warm-fuzzy-maternal genes), but everything else is mind-numbingly repetitive. Not to mention the fact that I can't even work a full crossword puzzle or read a magazine article without falling asleep. I want to use my brain. I want to think, to analyze, debate ... learn. It won't happen in a classroom anytime soon (I'm not willing to concede grad school into the "never" category yet - maybe when Himself has settled into his career and Woodstock and any future child(ren) are in school ... maybe), but there has to be some way to feel challenged, excited, alive.

Then again, there's the whole falling asleep every time I sit down thing ... maybe my Back to School wish should be for a full night's sleep more than once a month.