It has been 2 years since I last blogged, and, really, if we're going to be serious, it's been a few more than that since I wrote more than a post here or there.
At first, I didn't miss it. 2010-2012 were the hardest years of my life. I mean HARD, the kind of hard that lands you in therapy and questioning every decision you've ever made in your life (including the one where you decided to take up running again). And then - then 2013 came along, and THAT was the hardest year of my life. But it was the kind of hard that makes you take stock of your blessings and hold your family a little closer and thank Heaven over and over and over because you're pretty certain that you are living on borrowed time and blessings.
I realized the first hardest years had to come as a refiner's fire of sorts - had I landed myself in 2013 without any of the years leading up to it, I would have withered on the vine, and that would be the end of things. Fortunately, God has a funny way of preparing us via the refiner's fire - and just when we think we can handle no more, it gets worse and He stands alongside us.
It was at some point after the worst of 2013 that I realized I missed blogging. I missed acknowledging the little things that are really big things and writing about antics and absurdities and insights. Still, it took another 9 months to decide whether or not I wanted to start over or just admit that I had taken a very long Sabbatical. I opted for the latter, since the truth of the matter is, I stopped blogging because life got hard and dark, and while it isn't so dark anymore, it's still hard and busy - for some reason all 3 kids seem to think they need 3 meals a day and clean clothes and so forth. So the last thing I needed was even MORE work going about setting up a new blog.
I have slightly repurposed this though. I have really felt a strong need lately to focus more on living a covernant life - to examine the covenants that I, and others, have made. It has lead me to another year of studying the Old Testament (which involves lots of yelling on my part - it is so hard to see why the Israelites persist in being so stubborn. They have everything spelled out in painstakingly aggravating detail (ahem, the entire book of Leviticus, for instance), and still they cannot seem to make the right decision. How hard was it to only gather manna for one day? Or to look at a serpent on a stick? Or to just LISTEN rather than wander aimlessly through the wilderness until the worst of them died off? And then I realize that Heavenly Father must say the same thing about me. How hard is it to get over my terror of the phone to set an appointment to visit the sisters I'm assigned to care for? How hard is it to be just a little more patient or a little more focused on things of an eternal nature?
And so ... I am back, to share the hand of God in my life - to call out in tribute the little things, so I remember when the big things seem entirely too big. There is one of those entirely too big things hanging over me right now, so I need all the remembrance I can have of the times when for a split second, everything went well.
We'll see where the journey ends up.
