1. Coordinate (for the first time ever), Himself's (always surprising, because he waits until the most critical moment) revelation that he needs new razors with your plan to be in the same proximity as a store that sells them that very day.
2. Arrive at said store (Ghetto Wal-Mart) with Woodstock in tow, who is mildly cranky (very mildly cranky) after getting her polio and pneumo/meningitis vaccines yesterday.
3. Arrive in razor aisle. Thank heaven that Gilette has not come out with a new razor system, as Himself MUST upgrade each time they do. (Soon 5 blades won't be enough, they'll need 20 so it does your entire face at once!)
4. Go to take razors off the bar on which they are hanging. Except, they don't come off. Tug repeatedly. Investigate bar from which razors are hanging ... it is somehow locked, holding the razors hostage.
5. In the interest of time, investigate "lesser" (ie last year's models) Gilette razors, thinking you'll explain the dilemma to Himself who will (hopefully) happily take the lesser razors and be happy.
6. Discover that ALL razors are in LOCKDOWN - somehow prevented from coming off the bar on which they are hanging.
7. Wander the health and beauty aisles looking for a Wal-Mart associate to tell me I'm not crazy and they can rescue the razors from lockdown .... for EIGHT MINUTES.
8. Give up and head for customer service podium halfway across the store. Woodstock starts to get grumpy. It is dinner time. Wandering up and down the feminine hygiene, toothpaste and razor aisles has done nothing to deter the rumblings of her tummy.
9. Ask customer service lady why on earth I cannot get the razors off their bar. She indicates they've done it ON PURPOSE to prevent people from stealing the razors.
10. Bite tongue so as not to say "and what is to stop one from stealing them once an associate has rescued the razors from lockdown and they're in one's cart?" Associate must have read my mind, because she verbalizes my exact sentiment.
11. Firmly tell associate what I think of so-called razor policy, compounded by the fact that there are NO associates in health and beauty at all - and the only reason I even ventured over to the customer service podium is because this is DESPARATION. Himself has NO razors and three-days' growth and has to work tomorrow.
12. Proceed to then spend $100 on razors, spot remover, stain remover, baby yogurt, Woodstock's milk and a handful of other necessary items.
13. Leave Ghetto Wal-Mart vowing to never return. I do this every time, and I rarely go, but good grief - men's safety razors on LOCKDOWN? That is indeed the very last straw.
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