Bank Thieves

Anyone who knows me knows I'm picky about grocery stores. Probably annoyingly picky. There are three things that will make me love a grocery store forever:

• Fresh produce (as much sourced locally as possible)


• An in-house butcher - where they cut and package their own meat


• Happy people

It's also nice if they have a great international foods aisle and cheese section, but they are second-tier requirements after the above three.

You'll notice there is one thing that ISN'T on there and that is A BANK. I'm not sure why banks/grocery stores felt the need to combine, but for me, it is a big fat hassle. I am not going to start shopping at a grocery store because it has such-and-such bank inside. I am not going to start banking at a bank because it is inside such-and-such grocery store.

I never need the bank and the grocery store at the same time. Ever.

Case in point:
I bank at the largest bank in The Frontier. I have banked there for three decades (yes, since my first savings account was started at birth). I have had a checking account there through all of my moves. I don't pay a dime to bank there - even when I had to deposit my own paychecks (when I actually got them) at The Factory. I'm not interested in banking anywhere else. Reason stands that banking at the largest bank in the area would mean access to a large number of easily accessible ATMs and branches.

HOWEVER, the closest bank to my house? Inside a grocery store. The closest bank to my office? Same thing, although it least it has a drive-up window.

It wouldn't be quite as bad if they had outside ATMs, but no, the ATMs are inside the store. Meaning if I need to hit an ATM up for cash, I have to take Woodstock out of her seat, schlep her into the store, use the ATM (one-handed, always fun), schlep her back out of the store, buckle her back in the seat and then be on my merry way. Heaven forbid if I need to use the actual services of the bank - the bank-in-a-store-models have far fewer tellers, much longer lines and a feeling of general chaos.

It makes me hate the grocery stores the bank is in - every time I drive by I catch myself thinking,

"You stole my bank!"

In essence, it's the truth, because they gobbled up a bank, stuck it inside in the most inconvienient location possible and then essentially keep the bank from putting a respectable branch in the general vicinity because they "already have a branch in the store."

It does no good to change banks because every other bank in The Frontier appears to think putting a branch in a grocery store is a good idea. Hogwash.

Although, come to think of it ... my new job was just announced in the morning paper, prompting the CEO of the bank to send me a note, which someone (probably his assistant) hand-signed. And the last line says,

"Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you."

I'm sure they are thinking "investment strategies, mortgages, corporate banking needs" but they did ask ...