One Moment in Time

One year ago today, the bottom fell out of my world.

I had come back to the office after a meeting, when my boss asked me to go with her upstairs (at that point "upstairs" was the executive suites and HR) - never a good sign, especially when followed with, "You need to trust me that everything will be okay."

Five minutes later I was told that my job was ending in 5 hours.

I sat, numb, unable to speak for fear that emotion would swallow me whole and leave me in a melted puddle of black silk, hose and high heels. The first thing through my head was how it could be me facing this - me, the one who had finally found a company with whom I could see myself for years to come; me, the one who, at 12 1/2 weeks pregnant and the primary income in our house, was not in a position to suddenly be jobless; me, who had grown out of her position, but was still hesitant to leave the friends, the mentoring, the slim thread of a future. They offered me a week to decide if I wanted to take a counter-offer - a position I had no desire for, no future in, but meant stability in the short-term. Unable to fathom walking out the doors forever on five hours' notice, I numbly nodded my head.

Worst of all? An hour later I had to appear at an interview for Marketing Director of the Year, for which the same company that had just told me "sorry ... no job" had nominated me. I willed myself not to cry on the drive there, for I didn't have any extra mascara on me.

I spent the weekend angry, crying and bitter. I allowed myself 48 hours to feel any emotion I wanted - to rage against overpaid executives who thought my pathetically small salary outweighed my contributions to the company and would save a few bucks. I allowed myself to be scared, even though the voice of reason had whispered "it will be okay." I allowed myself to vent, to steam, to shout, to think horrible thoughts.

Monday morning came, my deadline to quit behaving badly. I put on an air of resolve and vowed to be strong and stalwart. I was the consummate professional - organizing, filing and preparing reports on the status of my projects; speaking highly of the company who had shattered my confidence and security; working hard at the new job, which provided little satisfaction and no challenge. Little did I know that two months later, I would be interviewing for positions and contemplating a move to The Frontier.

A year, numerous interviews, another layoff, three jobs, one move and a baby later, here I am.

I am not sure what to think.