Beware of Friday the 13th

I'm not superstitious, but after this Friday the 13th, I just might be.

Intern 2 got stuck at work today for half hour in the lobby because none of the early risers at The Factory were, in fact, early risers. When I got in at my regularly scheduled time, she was sitting there waiting for someone to come and unlock the office suite.

Tim Russert died. Sudden, shocking death always makes me pause and mourn. I've never met Tim Russert, but he was on my list of "fascinating people I'd love to meet someday" along with Tom Brokaw, Madeline Albright and other people Himself deems as "only people Sara would want to meet." In fact, he was one of my favorite journalists and my favorite political journalist, period.

I had barely recovered from that shock when I went to my normal Friday afternoon meeting at The Factory. It was there I learned that a formal memo was being put in my file about my "failure to meet expectations" and suddenly my job was 20 hours a week and my income was being slashed by 65% and I was demoted. They said it was to keep me from going crazy, to help me find myself. That's what they told clients and the rest of the staff. But the memo is scathing. The Others have said "if you want to read it that way, it's up to you," but the two people with whom I've shared the memo outside of work agree with me.

I was told to leave my laptop at the office and take a complete break for the weekend, so I could catch up on sleep and enjoy myself.

Except, when a household loses 2/3 of its household income, it's rather hard to sleep or enjoy one's self. I walked around like a zombie tonight. I long to go hiking tomorrow - to physically work out my anger, desperation, self-loathing and disappointment, but no amount of cajoling can get Himself to agree to go hiking with me, and I'm sure it was safe to go hiking alone in a canyon entirely unfamiliar to me.

It makes me wonder, just a little, why moving to The Frontier felt like such a good idea a year ago - in that time, we've both lost our jobs once (even though my layoff last summer only lasted for 90 minutes), I've struggled with my health and we never see the family we thought we'd see on a fairly regular basis. With gas at the $4/gallon mark, it's just too far and too expensive for anyone to travel.

I can't even feel the giddy relief I know is in there somewhere about getting to spend extra time with Baby Girl, because I'm too sick to my stomach over feeling like the world's greatest failure.