The World According to Baby Girl

1. In order to best cleanse your palette between ounces consumed, it is useful to suck on one's toes. This is best done if said toes can be sucked on at the same time you also have a food source in your mouth. It is tricky, but very satisfying.

2. If mom is doing anything at the same time she is feeding you, it must be investigated thoroughly, even if this means stopping and starting eating 146 times in a 20-minute span to see if anything has changed.

3. In regards to #2 if aforementioned activity is reading, one must reach up and continually pat the pages of the book while eating until it either drives mother to distraction and she puts the book down or until my arm gets tired (which hasn't happened yet).

4. If the remote is in site at all, ever, it must be played with. Even if it is during a feeding and weighs as much as the I do. Even if it means trying to go headfirst off the couch to retrieve said object.

5. Anything that has a tag is a cool toy. Toys without tags (or tails) are not cool. Tags taste good.

6. Socks get in the way of the divine feel of one's bare toes. Sucking on socks is inherently in bad taste. If one is wearing socks, they must be removed to get the proper appreciation of the slurping, drooling and sucking on one's big toe.

7. Avocados are not real food. They make you shudder and gag and spit and create huge amounts of drama. Aunt K has the right idea. She doesn't make Cousin K eat avocados.

8. If anyone is singing, you must sing along or giggle. Even if it is the sacrament hymn. ESPECIALLY if it is the sacrament hymn, at which point the volume should be turned up.

9. Regardless of what the SIDS people say, sleeping on one's back is not comfy. Side sleeping is okay. Tummy sleeping with my bum in the air and my face smooshed into the side of the crib is preferable. Even if mom disagrees.

10. Toys that are too far away will come to you if one hollers long enough.