My parents are in town (sort of - they are technically just south of the valley, staying with my uncle). Last night, my mom called to see if I wanted to join them at my uncle's for dinner. I gladly traded my grocery shopping/unpacking plans for grilled burgers and the ever-present hysteria generated by my dad and uncle.
It was a surreal evening. The last time I spent just the evening with my parents was the summer of 1998 - the last time I lived at home for any length of time. As an adult, I've never done that. I've never spent just the evening with my uncle, who lived on the East Coast when I was growing up. I almost forgot I had to go "home" (wherever that is at the moment) at the end of the evening.
This is, ostensibly, why Himself and I are uprooting our lives and moving 2,300 miles west to a new city, the Hobbit Hole and a new life - so that we can do family things. It will be an adjustment. I enjoyed the time spent with family - the comfortable atmosphere surrounded by people who have known me my entire life.Yet a part of me sat there, terrified, as I thought of my parents coming to help me unpack this weekend. The last time my parents helped me move was when they dropped me off for the week-long freshman orientation before I started college, over a decade ago. I'm not terrified of my mom's very particular ways of setting up a household or my father's lectures on making sure the smoke detectors work - I'm terrified of too much family.
It doesn't make sense, I know. Both Himself and I are very family-oriented, and we both are fortunate to have solid relationships with our families, but I'm terrified of becoming too dependent on them - of relying on them too much. It's been a long time since my parents were physically close enough to help out with anything. Himself and I have a relationship based on the two of us - learning to rely on each other rather than family, because all we had was each other.
I'm happy Baby Girl will have the chance to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, but I worry if I will become one of those people who becomes heavily dependent on family and is unable to function without them. Will I lose who I am completely by moving, becoming a mother and living close to family? Will my family become consumed with me being involved in everything? Reason says no, but I've never faced these experiences before. It's not something consuming my every waking moment, but the thought has reared its head several times over the course of the last two weeks.
Time will tell, I suppose.
1 comment:
I worried about that, too. But you still live four hours (at least, without construction traffic) away which prohibits too many family events. You will probably find out that you like it. :)
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