Starvation by Elimination

Sometime ago I blogged about the medical nightmare of my stomach. Mostly because I had shelled (or was about to shell) out a whole lot of money for me to be diagnosed with (drumroll, please...) Chronic Functional Dyspepsia. That's a fancy sounding word that those who went to medical school made up to justify the thousands it cost to come to the conclusion of, "Her stomach hurts, we have no idea why, but we must give a diagnosis."

 

The translation? Upset stomach lasting more than 3 months.

 

The breaking point came the day I ran my 12k. 7.44 miles. That day, I gained TEN POUNDS. Of course, that night was my high school reunion - the only one I've ever attended. I felt miserable. I was so bloated, my pants didn't fit and I was mad - I had run almost 7 1/2 miles that morning - I didn't deserve to feel akin to a sausage stuffed into a too-small casing. Two days later, it vanished.

 

A month later, at the end of my rope, I was lying shirtless on the exam table at my kids' allergist with 30 different scrapes on my back, testing for food allergies. I had been on the "diet of the month" (or starvation by elimination diet) for 7 months. I knew it was food. I just couldn't figure out WHAT food. The allergist came back and said, "Sorry, not allergic to any foods."

 

I wanted to cry. Then she said, but I suspect you have an intolerance of some sort. You know you're lactose intolerant. You know you're not gluten intolerant. What about fructose intolerance?

 

I shrugged her off. Couldn't be. And then I started reading - and it turns out the MD behind her name meant more than "more dollars," I now owed her $100, but even though the tests failed, she had stumbled across the source of my "dyspepsia" (I can't bear to write "functional" - really what is functional about chronic stomach pain?).

 

And that is when the Starvation by Elimination really began.

 

Anyone who knows me knows that I think about food constantly. I'm very particular about food. I plan my menus two weeks in advance, track what I eat (most days), and really try to be healthy. Some of it stems from having a body who has had a lifetime battle with food in general. Now, however, I've entered an entirely new phase in my life - think about COMPONENTS of food. What foods have a lot of fructose? What foods have more fructose than glucose? (Glucose helps reduce the symptoms) And why on earth did I not pay more attention in nutritional chemistry in college?

 

Just for kicks starvation elimination diet looks pretty much like this:

 

"List of things to avoid unless you want to feel like [fill in the blank with your favorite euphamism for a 4-letter-word]"

Apples

Cherries

Pears

All Melons

Jam/Jelly

Pineapple

Grapes/Raisins

Mangos

Artichokes

Avocados

Onions (all kinds)

Peppers

tomatoes

Lettuce - most greens in general other than spinach and mustard greens (which I loathe)

Eggplant

Whole wheat anything (other than in the morning, when I can tolerate some)

Pasta of any kind

Brown rice

Cous Cous

Squash

Pickles

Molasses

Agave

Honey

Stevia

Raw Sugar

Sucralose (splenda)

Beans

Ice cream

Milk chocolate

Coconut anything - oil, milk, coconut flakes

 

You get the point - pretty much 80% of everything. this is a very partial list.

 

Foods that never cause pain:

Fish

White rice

Celery

Spinach

Pumpkin

White Potatoes

Seeds

Nuts (when I'm not at home)

Plain yogurt

Grapefruit

Limes

Lemons

Cranberries

Berries (other than strawberries)

Cornmeal

Oatmeal

Buckwheat

Rye

 

Sometimes I can handle small bits of banana, apricots, lentils, chick peas, red peppers, sweet potatoes, raw carrots, cucumbers, sugar, maple syrup, soy and such. Yay for me - my special treat is adding something colorful to my food.

 

Keep in mind I'm also lactose intolerant and have a weird intolerance for most chocolate. Yeah, now we're down to about 85% of foods.

 

 I've fallen off the wagon in January - and been in bouts of pain the entire month - I've gone with "too lazy to think around my issues" and just made meals for the family and eaten those - bean burritos with roasted tomato salsa, minestrone soup, chili, etc. Hello bean and tomato overload - my stomach has bloated six inches just thinking about it.

 

There is, however, a bright spot to Starvation by Elimination. As I told Himself: "Sushi on a daily basis may actually become a medical necessity."

 

And that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Especially if it came with a side of sparkling water and lime with a fancy paper umbrella, a good book and a chaise lounge. Hey, if I'm dreaming, I may as well dream big. After all, one can only eat so much pumpkin oatmeal and spinach and plain Greek yogurt smoothies.