Necessary and Absurd: Things I never knew I'd have to say.

There are things I swore I'd never say as a mother (most of which have come back to haunt me in the mere 43 months since giving birth the first time) - then there are things which, never in a million years, would I have dreamed would come out of my mouth.

Things like:

• Please stop trying to ride your sister like a horse.
• No, the fact that you licked all the ketchup off your plate and left everything else does not mean you ate most of your food (uttered just today).
• You may not wear your flip flops with your snow pants.
• You may only play outside if you promise not to go visit the neighbors and/or ask them for fruit snacks (the joys of sharing a backyard).
• It is not a good idea to invite strange men home to play with you (Woodstock can - and does - make friends with everyone - for this reason alone, I refuse to teach her our address and am grateful I have an out-of-state cell number)
• Please put your belly button away
• Do your really have to use the bathroom or are you just interested in seeing what this one looks like? (after realizing Woodstock always has to potty the second we enter a new establishment)
• Just because daddy shaves his chin doesn't mean it was a good idea to try it yourself
• Try not to drown your sister
• If you are going to drive backwards, please slow down in the kitchen.
• Your diaper is not a pocket - or a purse

Any one of these sentences would have been enough to question my sanity 4 years ago. And yet, in the course of 48 hours these days, I could easily utter all of them without blinking an eye.

No wonder childless adults think we've all lost our marbles.