Mourning.

My sister lost her baby yesterday. A baby whom she had carried for nearly 3 months, who had taken a very long time to come into being - who would have joined his/her 4-year-old sister and parents in a brand-new home. A home with a nursery - just in case.

A baby that was due around Pebbles' birthday. The one I greeted with even more joy than normal, because it lessened the discomfort of packing all of my baby clothes and maternity clothes and infant items in the dark corner of the garage - not quite certain I was ready to part iwth them forever, but nearly certain there will be no more babies. A baby - in the same season mine were born - meant some of my things would get more use, more love, more memories. I got the news, via text, at work. I tried not to cry. I tried to be an adult and not grab my keys and my wallet and drive the 300 miles to mourn with my only sister. I pulled out a journal entry later to re-read my own experiences with miscarriage - vastly different, but still painful.

I told Woodstock - who has been praying for the baby at every meal, every bedtime. "Aunt's baby went to heaven," I said - using that vague phrase parents pull out when they don't know how to give any more details.

Woodstock grew solemn, and then brightened, "I know! I can be Aunt's baby for a little bit - so she won't miss her other baby." Then her little face looked as if she was deep in thought. A while later she piped up: "Did her baby go to heaven with the raccoon that got ran over?" I was startled - a year ago, on our walk, Woodstock had seen a raccoon lying in the road - having her first brush with death. I was surprised she even remembered.

"Yes," I said "Something like that."
"That's good she said. The raccoon can help the baby."

Funny how kids instincively have a belief of the continuum of life - that we once existed, now exist, will always exist. Without question, they understand the eternal nature of life itself - even if their application is a bit off.

Today, I noticed Woodstock's prayers changed. "Please bless Aunt's baby to be okay in heaven. And please help Aunt have a new baby."

Amen.