Tales from the House Hunter

In case you ever decide to post a rental listing, let me give you some advice.

1. Post photos. Do you really want to waste your time showing me a place I could have said "no" to by seeing the photos?
2. When posting photos, post photos of the INSIDE. Yes, the outside is nice too, but I couldn't care less what the trees in the yard look like - or the swimming pool either, for that matter. I want to see the inside, particularly the kitchen and the bathroom(s).
3. Don't tell me to drive by it first and then call you. I can use Google Earth to view the neighborhood and do a virtual drive-by. If I call you, I'm interested
4. We're in a RECESSION. In one of the worst housing markets in 60 years. Don't ignore me. If I call you, I'm interested. Don't make it difficult. Don't play games. Don't take 5 days to get back to me. If you want to rent it, act like it.
5. Don't rave about the fabulous new kitchen, remodeled things or amenities and not include photos. That's like telling me I've won the lottery but forgetting to tell me how to claim it (sort of)
6. I've worked in real estate - I know the goofy terms people use when there is nothing else to say about a place. "Plush carpeting" and "sparkling pool" do nothing for me. Carpeting is carpeting. Pools sparkle if there is sunshine out. Tell me something not obvious.
7. Bonus points if you include the square footage in your listing - this eliminates me having to call you to ask, wasting both of our time if your 3-bedroom rental is only 900 square feet. Yes, I realize you can cram 3 bedrooms in that amount of space. Unfortunately, I'm not interested in cramming 4 people and all of our stuff into that space. Thanks anyway.
8. If your rental doesn't include something major - like, oh, a refrigerator - raise the rent $50/month and buy one for crying out loud
9. Don't act like there are renters banging down your door. They aren't. Promise.
10. Include an e-mail address. It's much more efficient for both of us to ask/answer initial questions (you know, the ones you forgot to answer in the listing - like whether or not there are W/D hookups and how big the place is) via e-mail. Goes back to me not wanting to waste your time or mine.
11. Do NOT, under any circumstances, tell me that my husband needs to come see it as well. We'll survive if only one of us has seen it. He rented the place on Malibu Palms (ghetto). I rented the Hobbit Hole (short ceilinged basement apartment). We're still married. End of story.
12. Don't make me wait until your open house. I won't be in town then. If you want to rent the place, rent it. If you want to only show it to people at one time, say it in your listing. I'll cross it off my list. There are hundreds of other options.
13. Know what the neighborhood rental rates are. Don't think that because I'm from out of town I won't find out your house/unit is overpriced.
14. Don't ask me how many children will live in the house, how old I am (you can get that on the rental application) or if I'm Mormon (you know, since I'm moving from The Frontier and all). It's technically illegal, and I really would rather not give a complete stranger my entire life's story before deciding on a house. You will get all the necessary information. You can't deny me housing as a result of my answers anyway. In return, I won't ask you about the crime rate, what the neighbors are like(specifically) or other things you aren't required by law to disclose. I have my sources.

I've only just begun the Great Housing Hunt, and I'm already fed up. It amazes me how many hoops a person wants one to jump through, how many assumptions one must make, how much time one must waste to find suitable accommodations in one of the most populated cities in the country. Egads!