One of Those Parents

One of my greatest fears is being one of those parents, but since I'm wildly opinionated and highly stubborn, I suppose it's probably inevitable at some point that someone won't agree with me. It's not like I haven't had 30 years of practice at it.

But this one makes me feel horribly guilty, even while doing it for the life and safety of my child ... I am the nursery treats enforcer.

Woodstock, while two weeks' shy of "legal" nursery-attending age, started nursery this past week, mostly because I wanted to warn the nursery leaders and children's sunday school leader of the "Treat Issue."

Unfortunately, people hear "peanut" and tune me out, patronizing me with, "Oh we never serve treats with peanuts, so don't worry," then promptly turn their backs, failing to realize my mouth is still moving like a fish gasping for breath out of water (even though we all know fish breathe through gills and not their mouths).

The problem is, it isn't just peanuts. Or it, is, technically, but it's not just the consumption of actual peanuts. I'm one of those very fortunate parents to have a child with a life-threatening allergy to something she if she so much as looks at the food (not quite, but touching it and rubbing her eye or kissing someone who has eaten peanuts is enough to cause a reaction). That means, if a parent bakes peanut butter cookies on a baking sheet two weeks ago and doesn't wash it in soap and hot water (you don't wash baking stones with soap) and then bakes cookies for nursery on it - it's enough to potentially cause an anaphylactic reaction in Woodstock. It means if they bring in Stouffer's animal crackers, which "may contain peanuts" and there is a sliver of a peanut - it is potentially enough to cause an anaphylactic reaction. And so forth.

It means at least two major brands of animal crackers are out. As are home-baked treats. Ritz bits of any kind. Bakery treats from store bakeries. Some cereals (did you know some kinds of Chex have peanut flour in them?). Anything with "processed on the same equipment as ..." or "may contain ...". And so forth.

And ... it's all speculation. It might be enough to trigger a reaction. It possibly could be a huge problem. But Woodstock has had two anaphylactic reactions to peanuts without ever having ingested an actual peanut in her life, so it's not exactly over-reacting, even if it feels like it.

I hate being the parent who has to be pushy and demanding to get someone to listen.

I hate being the parent who has to tape a note to the treat bucket with a ridiculous list of "thou shalt not bring..." because "Deathly Allergic to Peanuts" doesn't cast a wide enough net.

I hate being the parent that has to ask for a completely peanut- and nut-free nursery because keeping toddlers and pre-schoolers from "sharing" (er, stealing) each other's food is nearly impossible. And because if the peanut content is high enough, the other kids could cause a reaction in Woodstock just by swapping saliva (who thought they'd have to worry about that prior to tweendom?!). So none of the other kids can have it either. And that makes me feel like a real pain-in-the-rear-end.

I hate being the parent who worries every week if Woodstock is going to be okay. I have to do it five days a week (with slightly less obsession, but there was one scary moment on Valentine's Day where Woodstock got into the other kids' M&Ms).

I hate being the parent who sounds like she's crying wolf, with tales of epi pens and hospitals and swollen throats - evne though it's all true - because it sounds so ... over-dramatic.

I hate being that parent.

I've lived through one week of nursery. Roughly 95 more weeks to go (plus or minus a few). I'm just glad she's not deathly allergic to something like dairy or eggs or soy.