There are two questions which I loathe, when asked together. They are, "where are you from?" and "where did you go to college?" It's not that I don't have a great affinity for the very small town in red rock country, from which I hail. Nor is it that I have an issue with which institution issued my degree. It's that as soon as I answer "Utah" and "BYU" people get a knowing look, nod and say, "ahhhh." From that point on, everyone assumes they know everything about me. They assume (correctly, but still ...) my religion, as well as assuming they know everything about my cultural background, my lifestyle, my likes/dislikes, my philosophies on life and my political leanings. They create a visual image of someone who is more than likely too boring to have fun.
What I want to say, immediately after my answers, is "But I'm not a clone." I feel like one, when someone sizes me up after my answers, and finds a nice label to affix to my persona after assuming I must be like every other person from Utah or who attended BYU. It's the same when anything about anyone remotely connected to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka "Mormon Church") is published or aired - I have to drag out the "we're not clones" schpiel. Really. I swear. We're not. So when things like today happen, I feel a need to get my side out.
This morning, a friend sent me a recent article from a local paper. I thought the article was well-written, and obviously the journalist did some research. What sparked a few hours of conversation among friends and colleagues, however, was the attitude of the woman in the article. It bothered me that the woman in the article spent the entire article trying to convince the reader how happy she was. It bothered me she seemed to speak, albeit indirectly, for a larger group, when in reality most of what she said was her interpretation and opinion on life. I got the feeling she is still trying to convince herself she's happy.
To be fair, I am happily married, and have been for the past 2 1/2 years. The difference is, I loved being single. And I strongly suspect that I still would be happy, even if I hadn't gotten married in my mid 20s. Don't get me wrong, I love being married, but I definitely wasn't unhappy when I was single. I loved my life and I was happy. Great job, great friends, great family, a sustaining faith in who I was and where I was going, and a ton of dreams. I hold the opinion that people will only find happiness by being happy themselves. To quote a song lyric still floating around in my head from youth, "Happiness is not a destination, it's just a way to travel down the road."
If you aren't happy with your life, yourself, who you are and where you are going, you will never be happy with someone else. People can sense that about people.They want to be with people that are secure, happy, interesting, and know where they are going. The subject of the article is definitely interesting, but I don't think I could use the words "secure" and "happy" with her. I can't say I'd recommend her to any of my few remaining single male friends. I really hope the reporter got it all wrong and that she really is happy. Life is too short to waste being bitter.
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